Borderline Personality Disorder & Relationships

Let’s define what Borderline Personality Disorder (or BPD) really is, and what it can mean for those in relationship with someone who has it. Now BPD is a mental illness marked by an ongoing pattern of varying moods, self-image, and behavior. These symptoms often result in impulsive actions and problems in relationships. Some of the symptoms I am talking about are: Intense fear of rejection, separation, or abandonment – Rapid changes between thinking someone is perfect to believing they are evil – Risky behaviors including unsafe sex, gambling, drug use, or accumulating credit card debt – Threats of suicide or self-harm – Difficulty empathizing with other people – Mood swings from euphoria to intense shame or self-criticism – and frequently losing one’s temper.
People with borderline personality disorder tend to view things in extremes, such as all good or all bad. Their opinions of other people can also change quickly. An individual who is seen as a friend one day may be considered an enemy or traitor the next.

My BPD Vid: https://youtu.be/zPopjuKuweg

Ways to manage a relationship with someone with BPD:
1. Learn about Borderline Personality Disorder. How can we manage something we don’t even understand? We can’t!
2. Trying to keep your home life with them as calm and relaxed as possible. Those with BPD do really well in situations that are predictable, so keeping home life as upset free as possible is best, and can often mitigate any crisis they may be feeling.
3. Keeping it simple. Since those with BPD can be constantly reacting out of their emotion mind (meaning it’s not very logical or reasonable) it will be hard for them to actually hear and understand what you are saying without getting upset and lashing back at you.
4. Creating and upholding healthy boundaries. Those with BPD need boundaries. Setting a boundary can sometimes snap them out of their delusional thinking.
5. Next, calling their bluff also is helpful. Creating boundaries and calling their bluff both require that you build up their self-esteem first. Meaning that you can’t enter a relationship with them calling them on all their shit, and telling them they are crossing a boundary.
6. Take their suicide or self-injury threats seriously.
7. Encourage them to seek therapy. Unlike other diagnoses, most BPD people welcome the idea of therapy. I believe this is because they are uncomfortable with how they feel, and would love to find a way to make it stop. This is why there is hope, and many people with BPD do fully recover, so supporting them in these efforts can be great for your lasting relationship.
8. Get outside emotional support. We all need this in relationships, but especially if we are trying to remain calm and supportive maybe when we don’t feel like it at all. Having other friends and family members we can lean on when we need it. Make time for that as well as some regular self-care.

I’m Kati Morton, a licensed therapist making Mental Health videos!

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